Scary Future vs. Faithful God

"Let's do something spontaneous," one of my friends said a few Fridays ago. 

My reply: "Ok, let's plan something for Sunday after church!" 

Clearly, I am a crazy, type-A planner, which is awesome when it comes to things like homework and jobs. It's a little less awesome when it comes to real life where things very rarely go exactly the way I plan.

I'm at a weird place in life right now called the end of college. Lots of people keep asking me the question: "So what are you doing when you graduate?" I would like to respond by bursting into tears and screaming/blubbering "I DON'T KNOW!!!" But since that is probably overly dramatic and semi-inappropriate, my response is usually more like this: "Well, I'm searching and applying for jobs and hope to find one by the time I graduate."

Unfortunately, the rehearsed response to my most dreaded question does not at all reflect how I actually feel about the future. I have been freaking out a little (ok, A LOT) because I don't have much of a plan at all. And I like to have a plan.

I have been reading through Genesis and what has stuck out to me again and again is that people like Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (ya know, the guys who are eventually part of the lineage of Jesus?) can sometimes have so little faith. No matter how many times these guys express fear or doubt, though, God continues to be faithful and provide for them everything they need and more. As I read, I keep thinking to myself, "Wow, these guys are so dumb! Don't they know that God will work everything out in the end?" Um, no Erin, they don't know. Because they're human just like you. Just like I don't know the end of my story, they didn't know the end of theirs. When life is scary, it's hard to hand the reigns to God and trust that he's got everything under control.

I'm scared of the future because I don't know what it holds. I don't where I'll be working or living. I don't know where I'll be going to church or who my friends will be. I don't know anything. And that freaks me out. It's unsettling to know that I'm leaving behind the community that has become such an integral part of my life.

It's exciting, though, that I'm about to embark on a new journey. It's exciting to know that new adventures are on the horizon. It's exciting to know that I get to meet new people and form new relationships.

If only I could know the itinerary for the journey. If only I could choose the adventures. If only I could know who my future friends will be so I could search (stalk) them on Facebook a little. If only...

My "if only's" will likely not become realities. What I'm holding on to right now is that God is with me, that God provides, and that God is faithful to the end.

I'm holding on to Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Sincerely,
Erin