Beloved

My dear friends, 

There's something important that I think you need to know: you are beloved. Greatly loved. Dear to the heart. I know it may not feel like it, but I'm telling you, you are loved. I wouldn't lie about a thing like this. 

Far too often we rely on family, friends, and significant others to make us feel greatly loved. And while they certainly do love us a lot, no matter how hard they try, they seem to fall short of the kind of love we're looking for. So we keep looking and looking for that someone or something to fill the void in our hearts. Who is it? What is it? What will make the emptiness and brokenness go away? 

For a long time, I chased the people and things that I thought would fill my heart. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I chased dreams of a perfect GPA, followed by a successful career. I chased dreams of getting married and having a family. I was looking for the "missing piece" in all the wrong places. It wasn't until the world I had built fell apart that I realized that the things I was chasing would never fulfill me. And it wasn't until I recognized who I am in Christ that I truly understood that the Lord is the only one who can truly fill the void in my heart. 

This is who you are in Christ:

You are a child of God.
(How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! - 1 John 3:1)

You are forgiven.
(He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. - 1 Peter 2:24)

You are washed clean.
(Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. - Isaiah 1:18)

You are free.
(It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves by burdened again by a yoke of slavery. - Galatians 5:1)

You are righteous.
(God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. - 2 Corinthians 5:21)

You are chosen and set apart.
(But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. - 1 Peter 2:9)

You are a sweet aroma.
(For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. - 2 Corinthians 2:15)

You are never alone.
(The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. - Deuteronomy 31:8)

You are a masterpiece.
(For we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
(I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - Psalm 139:14)

You are strong.
(Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. - Ephesians 6:10)

You are a light.
(You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. - Matthew 5:14)

You are called.
(He has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. - 2 Timothy 1:9)

You are beloved.
("I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.  - Jeremiah 31:3)

Friends, may you find peace and rest in the truth of your identity in Christ. What a sweet comfort it is to know that he is the one who will fulfill us, fill the void in our hearts, and love us with an everlasting love. Believe it, lean on it, and allow this truth to set your heart free. 

With love, 

Erin 

Read more…

The Price of Obedience

I never thought I would move home after college. It's not that I don't love my family or that I didn't want to live in the town that I grew up in. Rather, by the time I graduated from high school, I was so dissatisfied with the church community in my town that I promised myself I would never have to deal with it again. I was done. I moved to Rochester, NY for college and there, I could visit a different church every Sunday if I wanted to. And they were all great. I was convinced that Rochester was where I would settle when I graduated.

But God had other plans for me.

After going on a few missions trips, I began to regularly pray, "Here I am, God. Send me." I assumed that God would send me to a faraway land and I would spend my twenties cuddling with orphans. Maybe in China or Africa or Guatemala?

But that's not where God sent me.

Nope, he sent me right back to my hometown, the very place I had promised myself I would never live again. I knew deep down that God was calling me home long before I officially decided to actually move there. But I didn't know why, so I was resistant. I didn't want to leave the comfort of Rochester, the comfort of an awesome church community and an established group of friends.

Obeying what God has called us to do isn't always easy.

Last week, I wrote about the Israelites in the book of Ezra. After 70 years of captivity, they packed their bags and headed back to their homeland to rebuild the temple. They obeyed God's initial calling. It was hard for them to leave the "comfort" of their captivity. Most of them had been born into it; it was all they had ever known. As we look further into their story, we learn that as they began to build the temple, their enemies set out to discourage them. Ezra 4:4 says that "the peoples around them set out to discourage the people of Judah and make them afraid to go on building." Their enemies tried to instill fear into them. But that didn't work, so they took more drastic measures and wrote a letter to the king, claiming that the Jews were rebellious and wicked, that if their building continued, the kingdom would ultimately suffer. The letter worked and the building came to a standstill.

But God had other plans.

Though a decade without any building passed, a new king came into power and the Israelites once again began building.

I'll say it again: obeying what God has called us to do isn't always easy. There will be people in our lives who will say and do absolutely anything to try and stop us from doing what God has called us to do. And they might succeed at first. But isn't God the God of the universe? Didn't he create the naysayers and the rulers? Isn't he sovereign?

So if God wants something to happen, IT WILL HAPPEN.

There's nothing anyone can do to get in his way. And all he asks us to do is obey. To trust him. To believe that his plan is the best plan. To let his will be done.

So what's stopping us from obeying? Fear? Anxiety? Society?

• God says: Do not fear for I am with you. (Isaiah 41:10)
• God says: Cast all your anxieties on me for I am with you and I care for you. (1 Peter 5:7)
• God says: Take heart, for I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

And all I'm left to say is: Use me for your will, Father. I will obey.

Read more…

Foundations of Praise

It is so easy to complain. At this time of my life, a time of transition, change, and uncertainty, I find myself saying things like: Lord, why do you have me here?, Lord, I don't know what my future holds and I'm scared, and Lord, this isn't how I imagined life would be. In the past two months, I have graduated from college, moved back home, and started a new job. I've experienced a lot of change lately and I think God totally understands where I'm coming from.

I've been convicted, though, about all of this secret griping and it's gotten me thinking. What if instead of constantly complaining to God about how we're so busy, so uncertain, or so fearful, we praised him and thanked him in spite of it all? What if we praised God for where he has us now? What if we were thankful for the beginnings instead of waiting for the end result? What if we praised God so loudly that it was unmistakable, impossible not to notice?

I am beginning to realize that the true foundation of our faith must be praise. The very definition of faith is confidence or trust in a person or thing. Confidence and trust in Jesus. If we are truly living a life of faith, then we must be confident, trusting that the Lord goes before us, that he is sovereign, and that his plan is perfect. And if we are confident in his plan, then we can confidently praise him as it unfolds.

Look at the Israelites in the book of Ezra. After 70 years of captivity, God stirs in King Cyrus' heart to send them back to Jerusalem to rebuild their temple.  After months of traveling, they finally arrive in their homeland, which is now occupied with enemies. Scary! Plus, they have a big task ahead of them. The temple back in the day was amazing. And it's up to them to bring it back to its former glory? Daunting. So what do they do? They build an alter, sacrifice burnt offerings, and celebrate. The foundation of their faith is praise.

Eventually, they begin building the temple and when the foundation is complete, they praise God some more! It's amazing, beautiful, a sight to behold. Ezra 3 says that they give a "great shout of praise" to God, saying "He is good; his love to Israel endures forever." This praise isn't some quiet praise either. No, it's loud! It's a great shout. Though the temple is no where close to being finished, they praise God that the foundation is complete. They praise God for the beginnings.

So I've been thinking: what if my first instinct wasn't to be too busy or too fearful or too uncertain? What if instead, my first instinct was to trust that my God is a sovereign God? What if my first instinct was to give a great, unmistakable shout of praise for the beginnings?

I can do two things: I can look at the foundation and say with uncertainty, "this is just a pile of bricks; it sure doesn't look like a glorious temple!" Or I could look at it and say loudly, with faith and trust, "WOW GOD. Look at this foundation! This is just the beginning. Use me as you will."

It's easy for the foundation of my faith to be praise when everything in life is going the way I want it to go, but my prayer is that even in times of fear and uncertainty, I will continue to trust that God is sovereign, praising him for the beginnings.

That's my prayer for you too, friends. Know that the Lord loves you relentlessly and he is faithful to the end. Trust that he is sovereign, that he has a plan for your life way better than you could ever imagine. Praise him for where he has you now, because that is exactly where you are supposed to be.

With love,
Erin

Read more…

S T R E N G T H

Friends, the end of college is near for me! Less than 5 weeks from now, I'm going to be a college graduate. An official grown-up.

This semester, I've gone from being so excited to graduate to so sad that I'm graduating to completely at peace about it to somewhere in between. 

Lately, I've been somewhere in between. I can't wait to not have homework to do, papers to write, and tests to study for. But I'll miss spending time with people doing that homework, writing those papers, and studying for those tests. I'll miss the community. 

These mixed emotions have been making me a little bit weepy. This is such a bittersweet time of life. It's really easy to make me cry right now! With the tears coming more easily than usual (and let's be real: I'm already a cry baby), I've been thinking a lot about where I find strength. 

I think that my first instinct is to look to myself for strength. 

"Maybe if I give myself a little pep talk, I won't feel so sad. Buck up, sport. Suck it up. Pull yourself together." 

That usually doesn't work though. 

Sometimes I look to others for strength. But people don't do and say what I want all the time. They don't always want to listen and they don't always say the right thing. They fall short. 

While I'm trying to solve my own problems and wipe my own tears, God is just waiting for me to share them all with him. I think we sometimes think that we shouldn't bother God with our "minor" problems. 

"I'll save my time with God for the big things. I can handle the little ones," we say. 

Well guess what? Our time with God is all the time and having an intimate relationship with him means sharing the small things, the big things, and everything in between. God wants us to share it all with him. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, everything. When we share it all with God, he lifts the burden of our weaknesses and uses them for his glory. 

Maybe you're like me getting ready to graduate. Maybe you're just going through a tough time. Maybe this is a happy time for you. Whatever your circumstances, I urge you to rely on our Jesus for the strength that you can only find in him. Tell him about it all. He wants to rejoice with you in the happy times and be your shoulder to cry on in sad times. He wants to calm the storm when you're anxious. He wants to be our peace and our guide. 

Friends, I'm praying for peace over your lives this week. 

With love, 

Erin 

P.S. Go read Psalm 139 and Matthew 6-7. They're my current faves. 

Read more…

My Worst Year

The other day I was feeling nostalgic and couldn't fall asleep, so I began looking through old pictures of myself on Facebook. Starting in 2008, I took a little trip down memory lane. To be honest, I haven't changed much. I look almost exactly the same now as I did when I was a junior in high school. However, when I came across pictures of 18-year-old-freshman-in-college me, I had trouble recognizing myself. My eyes were dark, my smile was fake, and my face seemed thin. In these pictures, I was doing my very best to appear happy when in reality I was struggling to hold it all together.

My freshman year of college was not a good year. In fact, it might have been my worst year ever. When I started college, I had it in my head that while I was there, I was going to meet the man of my dreams, date him for awhile, get engaged, graduate, and then promptly get married. It would be beautiful and perfect. It would go exactly the way I had planned it out. So, the first guy that showed interest in me was the first and only guy I dated in college. At first he was great: nice, attentive, interesting, caring. As I got to know him, though, things changed. I began to realize that maybe he wasn't the guy I thought he was. Maybe he had been hiding who he truly was. In an attempt to make sure things went according to "my plan," I ignored the red flags. I ignored anger. I ignored lies. I ignored harsh words. Instead, I tried to change him. I tried to make changes that really only God could make. I ignored the concerns of my family and friends all in an attempt to make my plans work out. I was convinced that this was the man I was supposed to marry.

Obviously, I'm not still dating that guy and I am not getting married any time soon. And I'm okay with that. When I finally ended things with College Boyfriend, I was completely broken. Months of trying to fix him had destroyed me. I felt a million miles away from God. I was unsure of who I was. I had distanced myself from everyone that I had once been close with.

This is one of my least favorite stories to tell because it's not a time that I'm proud of; it's a story of struggle and mistakes. For so long I was ashamed of this year because of the way I distanced myself from God, family, and friends. I'm writing this, though, because I think someone needs to read it. Someone, even if it's only one person, needs to know that she isn't alone. Someone needs to know that even if she has distanced herself from everyone who truly loves her, she is a daughter of the King of Kings. Someone needs to hear that she is God's beautiful masterpiece. Someone needs to hear that she is loved, that she is beautiful. Someone needs to hear that God has a plan so much better than hers.

I thought for a long time that I needed to be perfect, that I needed to have it all together. Well, guess what? I didn't have it all together then and I certainly don't have it all together now. But I have an awesome grace-filled Savior who does have it all together, who knows what's coming up next for me, and who has a plan for my life and will be faithful to complete it.

That was my worst year, but every year since then has been my best year. Every year since then has been full of discovering more about my Jesus, about falling more in love with him, and about learning to trust him more. So friends, if you're feeling the way I did, know that you are loved, you are not forgotten, and that He's waiting for you with open arms. Now go run into that warm embrace and hear your Daddy say, "Welcome home, my beloved."

Love,
Erin

Read more…

Scary Future vs. Faithful God

"Let's do something spontaneous," one of my friends said a few Fridays ago. 

My reply: "Ok, let's plan something for Sunday after church!" 

Clearly, I am a crazy, type-A planner, which is awesome when it comes to things like homework and jobs. It's a little less awesome when it comes to real life where things very rarely go exactly the way I plan.

I'm at a weird place in life right now called the end of college. Lots of people keep asking me the question: "So what are you doing when you graduate?" I would like to respond by bursting into tears and screaming/blubbering "I DON'T KNOW!!!" But since that is probably overly dramatic and semi-inappropriate, my response is usually more like this: "Well, I'm searching and applying for jobs and hope to find one by the time I graduate."

Unfortunately, the rehearsed response to my most dreaded question does not at all reflect how I actually feel about the future. I have been freaking out a little (ok, A LOT) because I don't have much of a plan at all. And I like to have a plan.

I have been reading through Genesis and what has stuck out to me again and again is that people like Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (ya know, the guys who are eventually part of the lineage of Jesus?) can sometimes have so little faith. No matter how many times these guys express fear or doubt, though, God continues to be faithful and provide for them everything they need and more. As I read, I keep thinking to myself, "Wow, these guys are so dumb! Don't they know that God will work everything out in the end?" Um, no Erin, they don't know. Because they're human just like you. Just like I don't know the end of my story, they didn't know the end of theirs. When life is scary, it's hard to hand the reigns to God and trust that he's got everything under control.

I'm scared of the future because I don't know what it holds. I don't where I'll be working or living. I don't know where I'll be going to church or who my friends will be. I don't know anything. And that freaks me out. It's unsettling to know that I'm leaving behind the community that has become such an integral part of my life.

It's exciting, though, that I'm about to embark on a new journey. It's exciting to know that new adventures are on the horizon. It's exciting to know that I get to meet new people and form new relationships.

If only I could know the itinerary for the journey. If only I could choose the adventures. If only I could know who my future friends will be so I could search (stalk) them on Facebook a little. If only...

My "if only's" will likely not become realities. What I'm holding on to right now is that God is with me, that God provides, and that God is faithful to the end.

I'm holding on to Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Sincerely,
Erin

Read more…

The Necklace

"Me gusta este, I like this," I said pointing to the heart shaped pendant hanging around a girl's neck on our first day in Santa Cruz, Guatemala. I didn't know what to say, but I wanted to say something. It was important to me to try my best to speak Spanish, even if I had no idea what to say or how to say it. These three simple words opened the door to much more conversation with a girl who I would come to find out was named Alba Elizabeth.

My middle-school helpers. Alba Elizabeth is the one to my left.

Alba was one of the three middle-school aged girls that helped in my fourth grade class during VBS. They were each extremely helpful but Alba was clearly the leader of their group. She took charge in the classroom, passing out Play-Doh, beads, crayons, markers, and paper. When the children got restless she started a math game. She made sure the class was quiet when I needed to speak. I quickly realized that not only was Alba an awesome helper, but also a thoughtful friend. During that week, she saved Play-Doh for me each day so I could join the children in sculpting countless beautiful creations. While all the children were drawing pictures, she drew me one, complete with a sweet note. She even taught me some Spanish and proudly put the little English she knew to use. Outside of the classroom, Alba introduced me to many of her friends. She and I would sit arm-in-arm watching some of the other kids play sports. We chatted about everything from school to dreams to boys and she brought me to see her favorite place in Santa Cruz. It took just a few short days for us to become close friends.

Watching some of the guys play volleyball. Alba is to my right.

On the day that we left Santa Cruz, I brought an armful of my clothes to give to "my girls" as I called Alba's group of friends. I passed out t-shirts and sweatshirts and hugged each of these sweet girls about a thousand times. Then, right before it was time to leave, Alba came up to me and placed her heart shaped necklace in my hand. "No, no, no," I said with tears in my eyes trying to refuse her gift. But she closed my hand around it and insisted that I take it. I couldn't believe her generosity. I didn't deserve this gift. This was likely one of her most prized possessions and she wanted me to have it.

"My girls" on our last day in Santa Cruz. 

As I write this now, holding the necklace in my hand, almost 6 weeks since that day, I am still in absolute shock of Alba's great generosity and display of love. I've thought about this gift a lot since that day and to me, her gift is a perfect picture of God's great love. Just like Alba gave her necklace, her prized possession to me, God gave Jesus to us. God loves us so much, despite our flaws and shortcomings, that he sacrificed his beloved son. Alba's gift was surely a sacrifice; yet she wanted me to have it because she loved me. And that's the same way God feels about sending Jesus. WOW.

Saying my last (teary-eyed) goodbye to Alba. 

Sharing this little story with you all has been on my heart for almost a week now. This single gift impacted me more than almost anything else on the entire trip. It left me speechless and in tears; I felt so loved in that moment. In this moment, as I write, I'm in tears and feeling loved all over again. So imagine with me if we reacted like that every time we thought about God's gift of salvation. If you haven't truly thought about it in awhile, let yourself be in awe. Let it bring you to tears. Let yourself be speechless.

Sincerely,
Erin

Read more…